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Loony Litigator Sues Blackwater From Prison
Johnny Sue-Nami Filed Papers in Federal Court Alleging "Vast Conspiracy"
Erik Prince, chairman of the Prince Group, LLC and Blackwater USA
Tim Sloan/AFP/Getty
Erik Prince, chairman of the Prince Group, LLC and Blackwater USA

Serial litigator and attention-seeker Jonathan Lee Riches, aka Johnny Sue-Nami, "seeks peace in the world without American companies meddling in the affairs of other nations," so has filed a suit against Blackwater in US District Court from his cell in federal lock-up.

In Riches' mind, Blackwater is part of a "vast conspiracy" of undefined purpose that involves a motley cast of characters, including Jack Abramoff, Sandy Berger, and even Mark Foley's former page.

Among the accusations lobbed in the 5-page filing of rambling legalistic incoherency, Riches blames Blackwater for the shooting of Pat Tillman, and says the company also killed Congresswoman Jo Ann Davis, who died of breast cancer in October, because she was investigating the death of the former NFL player-turned soldier.

Blackwater also allegedly provided the weapons for the Amish school shooting in Pennsylvania last year, the military junta's crackdown in Burma, and the Columbine massacre, for which now-attorney general Michael Mukasey apparently played the middleman between BW chief Erik Prince and one of the killers, Erik Harris.

Currently incarcerated in federal prison in South Carolina on charges of wire fraud, serving a sentence through 2012, Riches seems to occupy his copious free time by filing lawsuits against famous people, a number of which have been dismissed as "frivolous, malicious" or failing "to state a claim upon which any relief could be granted".

Some of the more famous defendants of his lawsuits include Martha Stewart, Britney Spears, President George Bush, Steve Jobs, New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick, NASCAR driver Jeff Gordon, Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick, and celebrity blogger Perez Hilton.

Willis Hunt, the U.S. District Court Judge who dismissed Riches' suit against Vick as "farcical", complained that his lawsuits were clearly self-promotional.

One recent suit against Anheuser-Busch, the NASCAR Busch Series, Busch Gardens and Dale Earnhardt Jr. accused the defendants of (among other things) treason, kidnapping, torture and DUI, hilariously alleging that: "Defendants are in a major plot with Iranian Mullahs to harm Americans beer and nachos. Each can of Budweiser will have a tablespoon of Uranium from Niger mixed at St. Louis Breweries by Joseph Wilson and Brett Hull under the direct orders of Ozzie Smith the Wizard."

Apparently that pesky Niger yellowcake made it to Missouri and is now being injected into our beer. Yum.

Read all the craziness here: Blackwater_Pro_Se.pdf


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